Book Review: My Dear Boy

My Dear Boy

Gay Love Letters Through the Centuries

Editor:                            Rictor Norton

Publisher:                      Leyland Publications

Type:                              Soft Cover

Pages:                             278

Genre:                            non-fiction

Published:                     1998

ISBN:                             9780943595719

 This book is well written and well produced. It has a few black and white photos, paintings and drawings within. It should be noted that there is a little nudity, but this is very tasteful and artistic.

 This book is exactly what it says on the cover, it presents love letters between male loves thorough history. It is amazing that so many gay love letters have survived.

 The introduction makes a very excellent point that while some have tried to claim that homosexuality s a modern invention. That claim is as ridiculous as claiming there were no alcoholics before Magnus Huss "discovered" alcoholism in 1852.

 Each entry starts out describing the writer and recipient of the letters and then often shows some written correspondence back and forth between them.

 We start off reading of Alexander the Great and his lovers, the we move on to Marcus Aurelius who funnily enough equated his desire for his male lover with being thirsty after a great fever. After that we move to ancient China and a love story that might just bring a tear to the eye.
 I will also mention that some of there solve letters come from saints, monks and clerics.

 The stories come from all over the world, Germany, Portugal, China, Rome, Japan, Italy, Brittan, France, America among other locations. 

 Some of the authors i knew while others were a mystery to me. Some more famous names included; Hans Christian Anderson, Herman Melville, Walt Whitman, King Ludwing II, Pior, Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Michelangelo, King James, Alexander Hamilton, Lord Byron, William Burroughs, TS Elliot, Edward Carpenter, Oscar Wilde, Countee Cullen, TE Lawrence and Allen Ginsberg.

 This is a fascinating and very important work. Australians LGBTQ community is currently going through a hate campaign enabled by the right wing government, in it every Australian will get to vote on if LGBTQ people should have equal marriage rights. During this horrible "debate" i have hear much vilification and many threats against LGBTQ individuals, family's and youth. But the worst was probably one woman. She was arguing that LOVE was between a man and a woman, not marriage, no she was adamant that only a man and a woman could love. For more on what kind of people are voting on our rights read the #TheyGettoVote hashtag on Twitter.

 Anyway i highly recommend this book for anyone who is interested in history, or LGBTQ issues. If fact if your going to comment publicly on LGBTQ issues you have a responsibility to educate your self on those issues. You should read this book. This book should be in every high school, perhaps an edited version with some pictures removed if necessary, but it needs to be there.

The Gay Homewrecker

Don't be "That Guy"

As regular readers will already know, My boyfriend of (a week off) four years dumped me the day he was due to start moving his stuff into our place. He dumped me for a guy that had been sleazing on him and trying to cause problems for months. It was a horrible experience and left me with trust and confidence issues. 

I know i got off easily though, because my x boyfriend has now put all his trust into "that guy", and doing so can only lead to a world of hurt for him.

The point of this blog, the reason i am sharing this personal and deeply painful event in my life is to address the gay homewreckers. 

We are all members of a persecuted minority. We should have solidarity. We should be looking out for one another. We should be able to trust our partners "friends" not to destroy their existing relationships. 

 For the Homewrecker; Know that a relationship built on lies, manipulation and pain is only doomed to fail, it helps no one in the long run. Imagine having to tell all your family and friends. Imagine introducing your new partner to your parents for the first time;

                                     Dramatization:
Your sitting around the dinner table and your mother asks

 "Oh son, how did you boys meet again?" 

You reply proudly; "Well i met my new boyfriend online via a common interest group, i found out he was in a monogamous four year relationship so started to undermine that relationship immediately. I complemented him, messaged him constantly, bought him expensive gifts, and even flowers."

"Oh my!" Your mother says in shock looking into the disgusted faces of your family around the table.

You continue; "I almost didn't manage to seduce him, as they were in the process of moving in together, i knew my window of opportunity was closing so i had to up my emotional blackmail to ridiculous proportions. Luckily my months of conditioning him had payed off and he dumped his loving boyfriend for me, and i have been cheating on him ever since."

Your partner smiles meekly and ignores the wince of pain from the bruises hiding under his makeup as your family avert eye contact, pretending not to notice while wondering secretly how you got so wrong.

End

Lets keep the home-wrecking out of our community. Find your own man, who will love you for who you really are. If you meet a nice guy and he has a partner, back the hell off! Have some empathy and decency, imagine how you would like it if someone started trying to seduce your partner.

For the seduced partner; As soon as a friend or any other guy does anything inappropriate, lay down the law, explain you are in a monogamous relationship and ask the homewrecker to respect you, your partner and your relationship. Go ahead give them three chances but after they blow the third, let them go.
Remember the homewrecker hurt your partner, he ruined your relationship and had no respect for your relationship, can you really trust he will have any respect for the relationship you have with him? Once a homewrecker with no respect or boundaries s always a homewrecker with no respect or boundaries.

Conversely if your actually interested in a new guy, break up with your partner first, do not set up a new relationship while your with someone else. If you ever cared for your partner do not cheat, emotionally or physically.

For the hurt partner; I don't know what to say to you. The homewrecker is the lowest of the low, you are the better person. Your partner is a fool, he should have treated you better. Know that if your partner had not fallen for this sleaze now, he might have fallen for anothers bullshit later on in your relationship, when you could own property together, be married, have children. Know its not your fault.

I personally have learned a lesson from my experience, if i ever allow myself to love again. I shall not fully trust my partner, i will check his phone often, i will spontaneously call and see what he is doing. 

The sleaze that broke up my relationship was pretty obvious, and i did discuss my concerns with my partner, but i know now i should have demanded my boyfriend break contact with the homewrecker when i first noticed the inappropriate behavior.

There is a line between suspicious, jealous boyfriend and used doormat and from now on i would walk a lot closer to the suspicious side. I have been way too understanding, trusting and easy going, i now believe a little suspicion and mistrust might be a good thing.

 Please gay guys, don't be a homewrecker, don't be "that guy".

If you feel down or just need someone to talk to please check out the links below:

Mensline: offers a 24/7 support and information service on
1300 78 99 78.

Beyondblue: Provide a support service on 1300 22 4636.

Lifeline offers support on  13 11 14 and also appear to have a live chat option on their site.

For non Australian readers, please find help in your area.