Barnaby Joyce confesses to cannibalism

Barnaby Joyce may be an inbred tomato 

 You may remember Barnaby Joyce as the government minister who thought animal abuse in the Australian Wool industry was not a problem. 

 Perhaps you remember him trying to justify not giving LGBT people equal rights in Australia because China might not like it.

 Surely you know him as the obsessed fan who complemented Johnny Depps appearance and then threatened to kill his dogs.

 Barnaby wasn't disciplined for his behavior by the government, in fact he is now the deputy prime minister of Australia.

 Barnaby didn't get to kill Johnny Debs puppy's, but he did force Johnny Depp and his wife to apologise on video.

 Recently Johnny Depp was asked about the bizarre video in an interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Where he suggested that Barnaby Joyce my be inbred with a tomato. He went on saying that the observation wasn't a criticism and that he was merely worried that Joyce may explode.

 Barnaby Joyce has not denied the suggestion that he is inbred with a tomato. 

 In a strange move Barnaby Joyce has instead implied that he himself is a cannibalistic serial killer in the same vein as the fictional Hannibal Lecter. It is unknown at this time if the police are taking this confession seriously or ignoring it as the bleating of a deranged imbecile.

Barnaby Joyce war on terriors and decency

Who let the dogs in?

Johnny Depp is currently in Australia filming the latest Pirates of the Caribbean move. It was discovered that he had brought his two little Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo, in on his private plane, without proper authorisation. 

Barnaby Joyce National party minister, agriculture minister and popularly referred to as an all round asshat, commented to Australia’s media that;

“It’s time that Pistol and Boo buggered off back to the United States,”

and

“Now Mr Depp has to either take his dogs back to California or we’re going to have to euthanise them. He’s got about 50 hours left to remove the dogs.”

You might remember Barnaby Joyce from his bizarre behavior when PETA exposed cruelty in the Australian wool industry. 

He also attended another gay hate rally where he said he was opposed to marriage equality because;

“We know that the best protection for those girls (his daughters) is that they get themselves into a secure relationship with a loving husband and I want that to happen for them."

and 

"I don’t want any legislator to take that right away from me.”

No one is sure how giving equal rights to Australians would possibly prevent his daughters from marrying men. Ignoring the apparent misogyny of his comment, my best guess is that he has such a low opinion of women that he believes the majority of men will "jump ship" and stop pretending to be straight as soon as equality comes to Australia, leaving his daughters with few men to marry.  
If you have a better explanation please comment below.

 Barnaby Joyce outrageious attack on Australia tourism and its film industry has met with eye rolling and disgust within the sensible Australian community. People understand that Australia needs to keep animal diseases out, but we even today, expect our ministers to measure their words and not threaten to kill peoples pets. A few friends have suggested that Mr Joyce may be jealous of Johnny  Depp's looks as Barnaby oddly mentioned how attractive Depp was in his statement. 
Its strange behavior and bizarre behavior seems to be way to common with out politicians at the moment.

Clive Palmer billionaire and politician said;


"His actions could potentially put the movie project in jeopardy and damage our relationship with the US, costing thousands of jobs and millions of dollars in exports." 

 kyle Sandilands an Australian radio and TV personality said to Barnaby in an interview; 

 "You sound like an absolute clown telling the guy to bugger off to Hollywood or we'll kill his dogs," 

 and

 "You're a government minister, not some idiot off the street mouthing off to a news camera. Have some decency."

  

and    

“You’re an absolute joke, Barnaby ... I'm going off because you sound like an insensitive wanker. That's what you sound like, Barnaby. You're a joke, you're a disgrace and you should retract your statement and reword it properly,"

 I could not find a comment on Barnaby Joyce's continued inappropriate behavior by our Prime Minister and possible Reptilian Tony Abbot. 

While incredibly Barnaby Joyce still holds his position as agriculture minister, the story does have a happy ending as the two little dogs managed to flee his clutches and are safe from his nefarious attentions.