Only bigots use gay as an insult.

Why you shouldn't use gay as an insult 

Using gay as a pejorative isn't good. It causes offense, and causing offense to gay people is bigoted and homophobic.
But i don't drive A pejorative I hear you say, no sweets, lets get the meaning of some words straight;

pejorative:
 a word expressing contempt or disapproval.

Gay
1.  (of a person, especially a man) homosexual.
2. (dated) light-hearted and carefree. 

Bigot
a person who hates, unfairly dislikes or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial, religious, sexuality, or other minority group)

Homophobe
 a person who hates or is afraid of homosexuals or treats them badly

It can be difficult to know how and when to stand up against slurs like this, always only stand up publicly if it is safe for you to do so. On social media is where is see it the most, i have a few reply that i fall back on;

• ‘I don’t think that (inanimate object) has a sexuality.’

• ‘Is (object or person) really gay? Is he single? Can you may be set us up on a date?’

• ‘Please don’t use my sexuality as a insult I find it insulting’

• ‘Careful, your homophobia is showing.'

I always try to make contact with the person first, if they are a relative or a friend of a friend, and explain that using my sexuality as an insult is insulting to me and perpetuates discrimination. I have found most people are extremely apologetic and vow to make amends by standing up against hate speech when they hear it.

This isn't always the case, like when i did the "i don't think that object has a sexuality" to my brothers x-wife, Poopla. 
I had previously spoken to her about her use if gay as a pejorative ans she knew full well it was insulting, i considered my comment a friendly reminder. 
Oh but no, all hell broke loose and she let fly with a torrent of hate speech that would make old irreverent Fred blush. Worse my brother Payne (the x husband) got involved, defending her! I was busy with my mother at the time she was doing this and didn't really get to respond to her. Payne said a lot of hurtful homophobic things himself. 
I had to block Poopla (the x wife of my brother) to stop the homophobic Facebook messages, but i kept Payne on as i might need to discuss my mother with him at some stage. (My mother has dementia and i am her POA, ELG)

So Payne gets fixated on the initial thing, claiming that it’s ok to use gay as an insult. I think, well that’s easy, if this is really where he thinks he has a chance of defending their behavior, I can easily prove him wrong, and maybe stem the tide of hate coming from them.

Why It’s never alright to use gay as an pejorative

1. It is insulting to persons of that sexuality to use a person’s sexuality as an insult.
2.  It hurts people’s feelings, confidence, mental health, schooling, friendships, job prospects, legal rights etc...
3.  Doing so is homophobic, bigoted and incites homophobia, bigotry and violence against gay people.
4. The act of being gay is not the worst thing, it is not even bad, and is not an insult.
5.  If you don’t mean gay, use another word that will not offend anyone and perpetuate discrimination.
6.  These may be just words, but words can cause harm and offense.
7.  Young children should not be subjected to this homophobia.
8.   Stop doing it and help prevent youth suicide.
9.  One must ask themselves, knowing POINT 1 to be true, why would you still choose to use gay as an insult, or tolerate its use?
10.  Would you consider it acceptable to substitute gay with other minority groups?
11.  By choosing not to use hate speech you lose nothing except the harm caused by doing so.
12. Arguing the use of the word is changing, doesn’t make it acceptable, or stop it from causing harm, as its use in this way was clearly designed to do.
13. Intent is not necessary to cause harm, but know if you have ever been told or are aware that insulting gays is insulting to gays then you do have intent, you are purposely being homophobic.
14.  If you don’t understand what all the fuss is about, that’s fine. You have not lived the life of a gay man, all you need to do is accept it causes harm and choose not to cause harm.
15.  No you did not mean “gay, as in happy” I am not an idiot and neither are you. Saying this just means you know full well you have done wrong.
16. If you didn’t mean gay as in the sexuality then you would have used a different word.
17. And no you didn't just "catch me out" using the word gay, because unlike you i use it correctly and never in a pejorative way. Pretending you don't know the difference just makes you look stupid.

That’s basically my argument, it was a lot nicely worded than that, and not in point form,  I did keep coming back to ‘knowing that it causes me harm, why are you still arguing for its continued use?’ and that was never addressed by Payne. 

I even opened up and, explained that accepting my sexuality was difficult for me, that living in a small town in a homophobic school was hard. I survived because i had help from my school councilor and friends.  After school ,I had help from ACON about accepting my sexuality. Which involved looking in the mirror every morning and saying “I am Gay”? (Could young adults even do that today?) 

After hearing my story, which was a bit more detailed than what I have presented here, I was unfriended but not before being called a “Fa**ot”  and Payne threatening to get a group to beat the gay out of me, Among other things, so obviously he was homophobic all along.

 

 It taught me that any adult who is using gay as a pejorative is doing so on purpose, to cause harm, and is homophobic. 

It taught me that every form of homophobia is unacceptable and we should all stand up against it where it is safe to do so.

 Resources:

The majority of the info graphics used above can be found on the You Don't Say? Campaign I am not affiliated with them in any way, but they are a voice for good, as are Stonewall and Safezones.

If you are feeling down or getting bullied or just want to talk, there are options available. Please reach out, you may not believe it now, but things will get better.

ACON -  Provide confidential fee-based short term counselling  for LGBTI people seeking support in relation to their mental health.

 Beyond Blue - Find out more about depression and anxiety, available treatments and where to find support in your local area.

GLCS -  is a volunteer based community service providing free, anonymous and confidential telephone counselling, information and referral services and support groups for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people, their friends and family and the wider community throughout New South Wales (NSW) on sexuality and life issues. 

PFLAG- Find a chapter in your local area and make contact, i am sure they will help all they can.